Sittin' Crooked, Talkin' Straight

Just a Conversation Between Two Friends

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Recently I had an opportunity to really “hang” out with my sister-in-love, and I say “hang” because for the very 1st time we were able to go off and just do what we wanted without the worry of kids + hubbingtons ect. While we were out we talked candidly about our futures and what we wanted next in our lives. Cuz honey, the planning doesn’t stop just because you are married and have children. Just like her I have been working since I was just 14 yrs old. Let that sink in, at this time in my life I have had a job of some sort for almost 21 years! Even though I can legitimately say I have worked more than half of my life, up until this past year I was not living in my truth or in what made me truly happy.

The funny thing now is looking back I can see that I worked because I had no choice for the most part being a new parent at 22. If we can all be honest Im sure there is a nice amount of us who are currently in jobs we have no passion for because we have no choice, bills, obligations ect. I get that 100%. What I didn’t know then that I do know now is there is a way to do both. Do the job that you have to do, while positioning yourself to turn your passion + what makes you happy into a career.

Sometimes the hardest step to take is the 1st one. Giving yourself permission. It sounds so crazy but we are our own biggest critics. We tell ourselves no before the question is even asked. Truth Moment friends, for every single idea I have ever had I have not only provided myself with the idea but at least 10 reasons why whatever the idea was wouldnt work. Once I gave myself permission to dream and to dream f*cking BIG at that point there was no limit and instead of “No and why me” it became “Yes and why not me”. Shifting your mindset is the number 1 step in turning a passion into a career.

I didn’t go into Pilates or yoga training with the thought of making big bank. I found Pilates when my body needed healing + yoga when my soul needed healing. Those two things brought back pieces of myself that I thought I had lost + I became passionate about the benefits because of all it had done for me. I would teach a Pilates class all day long for myself over sitting in anyone’s cubicle doing something that brings me no joy any day of the week. Here are some steps I took to realize my passion + turn it into a career:

  1. Permission: I gave myself permission to dream and I mean DREAM BIG + imagine the life that I wanted. The most fabulous thing about this day and age is there is a market for pretty much anything! Don’t box in your dreams, dream vibrant and as big as you want.
    • Questions: What does your future look like? If you had a perfect day what would it entail? What things do you truly enjoy doing?
    • Action Items: Make a list of the things you enjoy doing and careers that include those things. Not a traditional job? List the service you could provide.
  2. Research: Once I decided that I wanted to pursue Pilates and yoga I started researching jobs, education, certifications, blogs/books etc. I looked up everything I could and began collecting resources and contacts that I could reach out to for questions. Having a true understanding of how to take the passion part to the career part plays a huge factor in being successful.
    • Questions: What type of careers are involved with what you love? Is there education or courses you can take to learn more? Are there steps you can take to freelance? If working for a company what requirements would they need?
    • Action Items: Create an end goal and make a plan of how you will get there. Be DETAILED on exactly what you need to do step by step. Include any additional education, training’s , events, conferences whatever stops that need to be made from your point A to point Z of this journey of passion turned career.
  3. Evaluate: As a mom, wife and full time employee when I thought of my life and all the “things” I had to do I became overwhelmed. Then I had to slap some reality in there because even with all the “things” I had on my list to do there were plenty of moments throughout my day that I spent doing virtually nothing but scrolling on Instagram. I took inventory of where I was spending my time and got rid of the time that I consider “idling”. Evaluation is super important because without carving out the time needed to grow that passion, things will never be as big as they could be. Plus this is your passion so why be mediocre about it! We want to handle our passion the same way we would handle something precious to us. Truly evaluating where you are in your life right now will help you put in perspective of what you can and can not commit to while helping you eliminate those things that steal our time.
    • Questions: Where is the majority of your time spent? Are there things that you can eliminate to create more time and space for your passion? How can you add room in your schedule for your passion? What things hold you back or make you less productive? When are you your most productive self?
    • Action Items: Remove what doesn’t serve you or your passion. Increase the things that make you more productive. Break the goals you created down further to tasks that can be completed each week or month. Be realistic yet firm when setting personal deadlines. I’ve lived at both ends of that spectrum of not being realistic and setting myself up for failure and I have been so loose with my goals that I was truly passive in reaching them. Set yourself up for success.
  4. Execute: I set my plans in motion and started crossing things off my tasks list. Each week I completed a mini goal that played a bigger role in the overall goal. I gave myself grace where I needed grace, didn’t beat myself up when things didn’t go as planned or if I feel short on completing a task.
    • Questions: Are my actions still inline with my goals? Do I need to re-evaluate my time or my end goal? Are there things that I can be more efficient in?
    • Action Items: Follow through with the goals set. Periodically re-evaluate where you are along the way. Take each goal 1 step at a time keeping in mind its not a race its a marathon.

Reuse, recycle, repeat. I continued this exact strategy to reach my goal of completely Pilates certification and Yoga Teacher training. Once I completed my training’s, I followed the same template to land my 1st job in my PASSION! Whats great about this template, or guidelines is you can apply it to any sort of goal or desire you have in life. It is practical for any situation. Lets get out here and not only DREAM but actually see these dream into fruition.


The reasons why I came to yoga are so simple now that I think back to my very 1st day on the mat. I knew deep down there was something missing, didnt have a clue of what exactly but one thing was for sure each and every time I came off that mat I felt closer to whatever “it” was. Social media would have you believe that yoga is about being apart of Cirque Du Soleil or that you have to be this freaky thin contortionist. None of that is true. In its simplest form yoga means to “yoke” or bring “union”, yoga in all its glory is the practice of bringing the mind, body and emotions together as one.

“A true journey of the self, through the self to the self” -The Bhagavad Gita

Who knew that just a few minutes a day, this act of self love could pay such dividends on our constant journey to self-care.

Yoga as a form of self care is one of those things that you truly can not have enough of. As a mom, wife and business owner it’s not unusual for me to rush off from one activity to the next, run errands then rush home to make dinner, and the list can really go on. Long gone are the days of a slow paced society where we as people are able to really sit down and decompress or refocus before the next thing.

The real beauty behind yoga is the requirement. You are required to quiet your mind and focus on just you! I kid you not my friends, for however many days a week for 20/30/60/90 minutes your complete focus is on you bringing your mind, emotion and body into focus. If used properly, yoga can be an amazing tool to help ease anxiety + depression.

Why should you add yoga as self-care?

  • Great tool to calm the mind + release tension
    • Studies show that tension can be held in muscles, adding stretching and movement into your everyday routine can aid in releasing that tension. Spending time focusing on your breath and poses can help you ease your mind without even realizing that you are doing it. Perfect tool to strengthen mental health while increasing physical health.
  • Yoga should be viewed as you time
    • Time that you truly carve out for yourself. You show up for you and leave it all on the mat. Carve out that dedicated time and stick to that date with yourself.
  • It can be added to any portion of your day
    • A short sequence can be added to your morning routine to get you started and centered for the day. A different sequence of stretches can be added before bed to help you wind down and get ready for bed. My personal favorite is adding a few stretches mid day just to rejuvenate myself to tackle the rest of my day.
  • Yoga can be TAILORED
    • I love this the most! Yoga can be done ANYWHERE. Truly a take what you need type of practice that can be done completely at home, studio or out in the world. Classes typically have a set time the class is held and can vary from 60 min to 90 min. At home practice can be however long or short based on what you need.
  • There is more than 1 kind of yoga
    • There are also a ton of different types of yoga so if one doesn’t work for you, try another type. I find that I like different types depending on what I’m looking for. While there are many types of yoga here are the five that I practice interchangeable throughout my week.
      1. Ashtanga Yoga: Eight Limb Path, dynamic synchronizes breath and movement to produce an internal heat designed to purify the body. Five Sun salutation A’s and five sun salutation B’s followed by series of standing and floor postures.
      2. Vinyasa Yoga: Coordinate movement with breath to flow from one pose to the next. Also used to describe a specific sequence of poses etc Chaturanga to Upward-Facing Dog to Downward facing dog). Example: Power Yoga
      3. Bikram Yoga: 90 minute class that consist of the same series of 26 postures including two breathing exercises. Hot yoga style and is ideally practiced in a heated room 95-108 F.
      4. Yin Yoga: Practice that is designed to help you sit longer + comfortably while in meditation and stretching connective tissue around joints such as knees, pelvis, sacrum and spine. Poses are held for 3-5 min and are typically seated postures and is a more passive practice.
      5. Restorative Yoga: Sequence is normally only 5-6 poses supported by props that help you relax and rest. Poses are held for 5 minutes or more. Light twists, seated forward folds, gentle backbends.

Home Practice Essentials

Although I go to my local studio to practice 3-4x a week, I do a lot of routines at home to center the start and endings of my day. Here are some great items that I would suggest for a home practice. Great Tip: If you have a local FiveBelow store, each of these things can be found there for a STEAL. I think its a great idea to start small and as you progress invest more in your tools to get the pricier items. Also, I’ve seen a few things here and there for great pricing in TJMaxx and Marshalls.

  1. Mat: It good to have a mat even if you do have carpet. The mat is more forgiving on the knees and joints and should add a little cushion between you and the hard surface.
  2. Blocks: Really great tool to have to assist with reaching the floor in certain postures. Also good if sitting flat or cross leg causes any discomfort, simply sit on the block.
  3. Blanket: Can be used to sit on just like the block. A nice item to have while meditating, I find sometimes when I meditate because Im lowering my blood pressure and slowing my breathing I can get a little chilly.
  4. Yoga Straps: Great tool to assist with stretches and to help elongate.
  5. Meditation Cushion: Pillow to sit on while meditating.
  6. Bolster: I use mine like a pillow if I am laying down for a guided meditation.

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You know what I miss most about being a child, other than the obvi (bills, food, no real responsibilities)? I miss letting sh*t go! As a kid I didnt dwell on mistakes that may have happened or things that I didnt do well. Pre- middle school, it was all Salior Moon, My Little Pony, Are you scared of the dark? + so forth. If something went wrong, I felt remorse, apologized and moved on.

Humans are the only species that continue to pay for past transgressions or mistakes. Think about it, remember a time when you made some sort of mistake or miscalculation that you completely and 100% take accountability for i.e owning up to as a yea that was on me. When you think back on the situation do you feel a ting of guilt or the feeling you felt when you realized you made said mistake?

For years I beat myself up over a failed relationship. Replayed every moment, argument, good time/bad time in my head over and over in one form or another over the course of 5 years. I continued to pay for my mistakes as well as live in that moment causing me to hold myself back. I felt the whole range of guilt, guilt of staying when I should have left, guilt of actually leaving (giving up) the relationship.

The ironic thing about the “Cycle of Guilt” is it can be a shared experience. It may not be something that you personally sit around thinking of but maybe its something someone else brings up. When I was a kid pre-middle school days, I loved going to our family reunions in the summer. It was a time when ALL the family came together, and I do mean ALL ( talking 5th, 6th, 7th cousins deep).

It was a day where we got to run around with our cousins, eat good food, dance to music + just be free to be kids. Later in life I began to dread being dragged to these events. Now dont get me wrong I loved still kickin’ it with my cousins, but what I didnt like were the moments when someone would start bringing up someone else’s past. Just like clockwork after its been a few hours + dranks have been flowing, one aunt would say something to the other aunt or one Uncle would remind you that you were fired on your day off and BAM! Just like that you are thrown back in that cycle of guilt, judgement and embarrassment.

For some people, (myself included) we guilt ourselves over and over a thousand times a day. Guilt on how much I spent, what I ate, what I didnt get done, what I did get done, how it was done and the list can really go on and on. Setting up expectations (unrealistic) + not truly being honest with myself are my personal ingredients to my guilt cycle cocktail.

The mind is such a powerful tool that truly our very own happiness is in the palms of our own hands. Wild right? In the end the “sparkle” of being pre- middle school is that whole letting that ish go right? We have that ability right now! We have the ability to kick all the guilts to the f*cking curb! Bye Mom guilt, so long body guilt, get the hell outta here money guilt, and you know what? Career guilt, you can kiss my ass!

Today I am empowered! I have the ability to be EXACTLY who I am with no apology. How ever many more days I get on this earth I will live it un-apologetically. I will be who I am, if that means I change my hair to wild and crazy colors I will! Because who really gon check me boo?!??!?!? On this side of 30, there is a true understanding as to how fragile life truly is + I am coming to the realization that I dont know how many more trips around the sun I will get. Life is much too quick to be anything but ridiculously happy + satisfied. Go out there + live your life my friends and let that guilt sh*t go! Live, Laugh, Love.

Coming off a long weekend of intense body + mind/soul work through Yoga teacher training I was inspired to actively show gratitude this week. Dont get me wrong I am one to say a quick thanks to the universe when things work out and of course when I am protected from not so pleasant things or people. My goal was to tune in deeper on the gratitude front and truly “attempt” to appreciate things/people in real time.

Surprisingly it was actually harder than I thought it would be. Most humans if thinking about things that they are grateful for or blessed to have ect, we think big ticket items such as new house, landing that job or having a new baby. Alot of times we are very grateful and can easily show gratitude for the things that are “newish + shiny”, can we agree gratitude for simply existing kinda falls in that category as well? Ok cool 🙂
I essentially had to shift my thinking this week as if all things were “newish + shiny” to really take that inventory of gratitude. For instance, I have mentioned my job in previous posts and my desire to shift more into something I have a true love and passion for.

That being said I have been guilty of the work gripe and friends Ill be even more honest that I have been down right snarky (inside my head of course) about the yearn to do something different. Come on, dont leave me hanging I know we have all felt that in some form or another. It took some digging, not too much but it did take effort to bring to the forefront of my brain all of the benefits my current position has afforded me. The most obvious is the ability to make a living, but what I am super grateful for the most is the flexibility to truly be in control of my schedule which for almost everyone is a pretty hot commodity and doesn’t come by too often.

On my quest to practice more Gratitude I researched some easy steps that didnt require journaling my life away each night. Journaling is a good way to practice Gratitude dont get me wrong, its just not for me all the time and can start to feel forced (TO ME) after while. Here are my FAVORITE ways to practice gratitude:

  1. Jar it up!
    In January I decided to create a Gratitude Jar; basically its exactly what it sounds like a Jar all decorated that I slip little pieces of paper in when the mood strikes. I put a date on the paper and whatever Im feeling thankful for. The idea is on New Years Eve I will open the jar and relive each and every moment of thanks. I like this approach because its not really a demand to do it every day but moreso when I want which works for me + I love the idea of opening at the end of year and just recalling all these great moments.
  2. Send a letter
    Ok sounds retro BUT I have literally done this. There are loved ones friends + family that mean the world to me and I simply want them to know it. There is something very warming to sit down and write a loved one a letter letting them know they are appreciated. Ive actually done this via email as well to my younger brother. Not for nothing, I didnt go into the letter with the idea that I would get a response or acknowledgement. I simply sat down and wrote how I felt about the person and what they meant to my life. What boosted that act of writing a letter was the responses back which I couldnt have ever imagined. Now I have not only written showing gratitude to my loved ones but I also have letters or emails in return that I will cherish forever.
  3. Speak it
    Friends I am guilty of being that mom that loves a good toast or saying kind words before dinner. If your house is anything like mine sometimes family dinners are few far and inbetween but Sundays, we sit + have dinner like civilized people. On Sundays we go around the table and say the things we are grateful for and how we will thrive in the upcoming week! Its a moment to literally look each other in the eyes and say thanks or I am grateful.
  4. Change the wording
    Ok so this one has been hard for me! Putting a spin on every day wording can make a world of difference. Typical me ” Ugh I have to go to the store again” but the spin on that can be ” I get to go to the store + get what I need”. Putting a spin on words can change an entire mindset from something that is dreaded to something that is an actual opportunity.
  5. Unplug In today’s society unplugging is the new 4 letter word, but truth be told being so attached to the social world can actually undo all the work of practicing gratitude if you are not careful. I try to set up time frames in which I unplug so I can be just in the moment, with myself or whomever may be around. The whole being in the moment can actually be super refreshing.

Practicing gratitude should become easier and easier as you go along because the idea is eventually it will happen like 2nd nature, remember that whole muscle memory thing that we have all heard from one place or another? So the more you are able to focus on the good and those things that really help us get out of bed in the morning the less those not so great moments will affect us. Dont get me wrong the not so good days will still come and some days it will win, but like anything else we keep getting up and showing up till the next very good day!

I am guilty of making plans and cancelling them. Yes I am that person. All plans sound good at the time of making them, then the day comes + life happens. I have to feel deep down inside that I am not the only one out there like that right?

At any rate, a month ago I stumbled upon this EventBrite for this free CBD yoga session and thought hmm seems very interesting. The over zealous past me thought it would be a great idea to attend this yoga session after completing a weekend of yoga teacher training. If I could go back to past me, I would punch me right in the face!

Fast forward to the day of the event, in true fashion after a weekend of teacher training, I am beyond tired. My body, bones, mind hell even my damn skin ached and hurt all over. The very last thing I wanted to do or give my time to was another hour of yoga. Its funny because earlier during that same day I had the opportunity of going through a Sunday Service flow where we talked about our choices creating certain experiences. Basically each choice we make, good, bad or indifferent essentially shapes the types of experiences we have. I could chose to be mad that I got stuck in traffic and miss the experience of a good time with family and friends once I got to my destination. The list goes on and on in the choices we make, but the real beauty is the experiences in our lives are really are within our power based on those various choices.

I decided to power through and attend; mainly because I had registered to go and the last thing I would want to do to an up-incoming entrepreneur is bail on them. I truly wanted to support and make connections with those who also had a love for yoga.

This particular flow class was held in a CBD shop and incorporated CBD within the flow. So although I have had CBD in the form of gummies as well as in honey sticks for anxiety when traveling I have never “smoked” CBD or hemp. When I walked in I was greeted with so much love and acceptance. Now mind you that’s the “norm” environment for strictly yoga places HOWEVER this was completely different. The energy was so very tranquil and welcoming it felt like a hug almost as I walked in.

Not knowing what to expect I came into the class with 0 expectation, figured it would be a typical flow with some added CBD to the mix. What shocked me and I am ashamed to even say this but the class was full of people of color! Never in my life have I ever been in a yoga or a Pilates class full of people like me! I am a Classpass member (for like the last 5 years) so I have been to all kinds of studios in various parts of Charlotte and its surrounding boroughs/towns. Never once have I been in a class where I felt represent. I’m not gonna lie, when I go to classes I notice if I am the only one or if there only 1 other person. I notice how the class goers look at me, some in shock, some in unity, some like I don’t belong and some I’m sure don’t pay me any attention. All of these things bring me anxiety until I am able to refocus get on my mat and do my own thing.

Sitting there I couldn’t help but think, wow there are like 15 of us in here and we are really here for ourselves. We all got up, made a commitment to come to yoga for ourselves and here we were. The instructor obtained information from each of us in a personal but quick way that I’m sure made each person feel heard and acknowledged. We were educated on the uses and benefits of CBD + how it worked. After the brief yet informational portion of the class was completed 6 or 7 CBD pre rolls were lit and started circulating the room. I know what you are thinking, how the hell can you flow with a pre roll lol. The answer to that question is simple we didn’t. The pre rolls were more so during the meditative portion of the class where we really were given opportunity to ground ourselves and prepare for flow.

The flow itself was very restorative + slow, but by no means does that mean it was an easy flow because it can be just as challenging to hold a pose as it is to go quickly through 100 poses. I am so very happy that I chose to have this experience, not only was it tranquil but it was very eye opening to inclusion + representation.

It makes me sad that as diverse as our society is there isn’t much representation. In fact for the most part at alot of studios representation of everyone isn’t exactly the focal point when it should be. There is no telling how many people of different races, creeds, ethnicity, genders, age, ect miss out on things because they don’t feel represented or included. I would hate to even consider how many people avoid the studio for that simple fact. Truth be told if my love and need to be in a studio wasn’t as great as it is I could easily see myself not attending a class based on the looks I get at certain studios. I would have never fathom or thought there could be a full studio out there with people who look like me had I not stumbled on it. It was refreshing, it was calming and it gave a since of community.

Representation is important. There is no way around it. There are not specific “workouts” for one type of person, or one type of “body”. I believe we truly live in a day and age where anyone from anywhere can become anything and its about time that seeps out into all areas. Wake up studios, be the place for “EVERYBODY” like you claim.

Ever make this bombass plan, maybe an evening at home, girls trip, vacation, dinner ect, whatever; everything is planned down to the “T” and some random sh*t happens to blow it up. Yea, me too.

It is very easy to allow the frustrations of things not going the way you planned or envisioned get to you. Its also extremely easy to allow setbacks to fluster you or even give you a reason to throw in the towel and give up. But what if you were literally 1 day, 4 weeks, 6 months away from having a completely different outlook?

This week has drug my ass since Monday morning and it doesnt look like its gonna stop draggin me until next Monday lol. In all of this draggation (like what I did there lol) none of it, not a single drop of it was within my control. Do you have any idea how helpless that made me feel? I just knew it was a sign for the Divine Universe (or whoever is upstairs) telling me that I needed to abort mission, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Its almost laughable how quickly and how easy self doubt talk seeps right in. Its like that Ex boyfriend that has that 6th sense you are happy so he comes around on some F*ckboy Sh*t messing everything up again.

I will never lie to you, I was feeling pretty defeated on Monday. I questioned every single dream board and goal workbook that I have been adding things to over the last 2 years and was really about to walk away from it all. Over something that HAD NOTHING to do with me and was NOT within my control. How crazy is that? Oh trust me, I know how crazy it is.

The brain is a muscle just like any other muscle in the body and must be trained. We have to self correct the negative self talk when it rears its ugly head. Any time I start to feel myself sink into the negative self talk or the ole whoa is me routine I take a few steps to recenter and reground myself.

1.BREATH: Ok, sounds redundant but guess what? There are alot of people walking around here breathing shallow as f*ck, with their hearts racing. When in the last time you really sat and focused on taking a nice big deep breath in, pausing for a second and letting that ish go?

2. DANCE/MUSIC: Corny I know, but I love some music and nothing can change my mood better than some good music I can dance or sing my heart out to. Right now my go 2 is two extremes: The Greatest Showman album or Cuz I love You by Lizzo. Either one of those albums can turn my day completely around. Find the music that speaks to you and dance that sh*t out!

3. MEDITATE: This one can actually combo with #1 in the breath department. It doesn’t have to be a great deal of time, 5 min of your day of silence and re-centering can make the world of difference.

In life there will be bumps in the road and things no matter how much you plan will not go as you planned. You know what, thats ok. What matters the most is that we are kind to ourselves and we continue to bet on ourselves as we stand tall and push forward. The easiest thing to do is to be defeated and allow ourselves to be the one to beat us down. In the the words of Arya Stark “Not Today”.

Why is it so hard to get rid of things? I am completely guilty of keeping things and lately it’s been pretty frustrating. By no means are we talking hoarder level but the other day I found a T-shirt from when I was in high school sports medicine. I have no earthly idea as to why I still have it but I do. I fell in love with this Netflix series Tidying Up and began evaluating everything in my life on the “Does it Spark Joy” concept.

I don’t know about you but when Im in a rut, cleansing my environment really helps my creativity flow. I started externally with giving clothes to Good Will, cleaning out toys, old books whatever didn’t “Spark Joy”. What really embarrassed me the most about this is how many things I had been holding on to over the years. It was gross the number of black leggings I owned, or how many random T-shirt I had. Things with tags on them, things I bought but never used! And honey, we won’t even start on hair products I have accumulated! Getting rid of these things were hard at first, only because it was exhausting, overwhelming and never ending. Plus the fact I kept fighting with myself that I had wasted money on this or that, but the more I pushed to get it done the easier it started to be and with each bag I felt lighter and lighter. 

It oddly became addictive, the freedom I felt getting rid of things gave me a new feeling of confidence to the point I decided to move on to my relationships and family. I had to really consider if those relationships brought me joy as simply as that can be said ( I know it sounds harsh). With an open heart I had to be honest and consider if continuing those relationships helped or hurt me. Sometimes we keep relationships that we don’t need forever just like that T-shirt, somehow your still holding on to it and you don’t know why. This step was extremely hard because in most of those relationships I had never even considered myself and how I felt— I know that sounds nutz.  In all truthfulness I had collected friends that were only my friend when they needed something, or wanted something of me.  The relationship had gone in that cycle for so long that it felt more like an obligation than anything else

By now, you know I love a good saying right? “People treat you how you allow to be treated” , basically the long and short of that is people learn what you will and will not put up with and go from there.  So all these years for 1 friendship I allowed it to be 1 sided, it wasnt truly the other persons fault that they only reached out to me in bad times because I really hadnt spoken up for myself in a way that they would see that it bothered me.  Same with family, I had this one cousin that I adored but over time the only time that cousin reached out was if they needed money or something.  Me not sticking up for myself or setting expectations basically left me in 2 relationships that were hurting me internally and no longer served me.

Now I didnt do anything crazy like sending a memo to say “Hey we arent friends/family anymore”, but I did start to take steps in what I allowed to curve how I was being treated previously.  In both of my examples, the friend and the cousin I was honest with each of them. I told them exactly how I felt about the relationship and for 1. they were completely unaware (which I was too until I started evaluating) and we are working on ways to be better friends to one another and for the other it wasnt perceived as well and you know what? Thats ok because I was honest to them and myself and at the end of the day the relationship that is most important to me is the one that I have with myself. 

Adulting is hard. Cleaning your closet, car, social circles and acquaintances are all HARD but oh so necessary in leading the best life that you can lead. Im all about shaving off the excess and the things that dont serve me.  If it doesnt bring you happiness, love or joy why on earth do any of us need it?