Sittin' Crooked, Talkin' Straight

Just a Conversation Between Two Friends

You know what I miss most about being a child, other than the obvi (bills, food, no real responsibilities)? I miss letting sh*t go! As a kid I didnt dwell on mistakes that may have happened or things that I didnt do well. Pre- middle school, it was all Salior Moon, My Little Pony, Are you scared of the dark? + so forth. If something went wrong, I felt remorse, apologized and moved on.

Humans are the only species that continue to pay for past transgressions or mistakes. Think about it, remember a time when you made some sort of mistake or miscalculation that you completely and 100% take accountability for i.e owning up to as a yea that was on me. When you think back on the situation do you feel a ting of guilt or the feeling you felt when you realized you made said mistake?

For years I beat myself up over a failed relationship. Replayed every moment, argument, good time/bad time in my head over and over in one form or another over the course of 5 years. I continued to pay for my mistakes as well as live in that moment causing me to hold myself back. I felt the whole range of guilt, guilt of staying when I should have left, guilt of actually leaving (giving up) the relationship.

The ironic thing about the “Cycle of Guilt” is it can be a shared experience. It may not be something that you personally sit around thinking of but maybe its something someone else brings up. When I was a kid pre-middle school days, I loved going to our family reunions in the summer. It was a time when ALL the family came together, and I do mean ALL ( talking 5th, 6th, 7th cousins deep).

It was a day where we got to run around with our cousins, eat good food, dance to music + just be free to be kids. Later in life I began to dread being dragged to these events. Now dont get me wrong I loved still kickin’ it with my cousins, but what I didnt like were the moments when someone would start bringing up someone else’s past. Just like clockwork after its been a few hours + dranks have been flowing, one aunt would say something to the other aunt or one Uncle would remind you that you were fired on your day off and BAM! Just like that you are thrown back in that cycle of guilt, judgement and embarrassment.

For some people, (myself included) we guilt ourselves over and over a thousand times a day. Guilt on how much I spent, what I ate, what I didnt get done, what I did get done, how it was done and the list can really go on and on. Setting up expectations (unrealistic) + not truly being honest with myself are my personal ingredients to my guilt cycle cocktail.

The mind is such a powerful tool that truly our very own happiness is in the palms of our own hands. Wild right? In the end the “sparkle” of being pre- middle school is that whole letting that ish go right? We have that ability right now! We have the ability to kick all the guilts to the f*cking curb! Bye Mom guilt, so long body guilt, get the hell outta here money guilt, and you know what? Career guilt, you can kiss my ass!

Today I am empowered! I have the ability to be EXACTLY who I am with no apology. How ever many more days I get on this earth I will live it un-apologetically. I will be who I am, if that means I change my hair to wild and crazy colors I will! Because who really gon check me boo?!??!?!? On this side of 30, there is a true understanding as to how fragile life truly is + I am coming to the realization that I dont know how many more trips around the sun I will get. Life is much too quick to be anything but ridiculously happy + satisfied. Go out there + live your life my friends and let that guilt sh*t go! Live, Laugh, Love.


Coming off a long weekend of intense body + mind/soul work through Yoga teacher training I was inspired to actively show gratitude this week. Dont get me wrong I am one to say a quick thanks to the universe when things work out and of course when I am protected from not so pleasant things or people. My goal was to tune in deeper on the gratitude front and truly “attempt” to appreciate things/people in real time.

Surprisingly it was actually harder than I thought it would be. Most humans if thinking about things that they are grateful for or blessed to have ect, we think big ticket items such as new house, landing that job or having a new baby. Alot of times we are very grateful and can easily show gratitude for the things that are “newish + shiny”, can we agree gratitude for simply existing kinda falls in that category as well? Ok cool 🙂
I essentially had to shift my thinking this week as if all things were “newish + shiny” to really take that inventory of gratitude. For instance, I have mentioned my job in previous posts and my desire to shift more into something I have a true love and passion for.

That being said I have been guilty of the work gripe and friends Ill be even more honest that I have been down right snarky (inside my head of course) about the yearn to do something different. Come on, dont leave me hanging I know we have all felt that in some form or another. It took some digging, not too much but it did take effort to bring to the forefront of my brain all of the benefits my current position has afforded me. The most obvious is the ability to make a living, but what I am super grateful for the most is the flexibility to truly be in control of my schedule which for almost everyone is a pretty hot commodity and doesn’t come by too often.

On my quest to practice more Gratitude I researched some easy steps that didnt require journaling my life away each night. Journaling is a good way to practice Gratitude dont get me wrong, its just not for me all the time and can start to feel forced (TO ME) after while. Here are my FAVORITE ways to practice gratitude:

  1. Jar it up!
    In January I decided to create a Gratitude Jar; basically its exactly what it sounds like a Jar all decorated that I slip little pieces of paper in when the mood strikes. I put a date on the paper and whatever Im feeling thankful for. The idea is on New Years Eve I will open the jar and relive each and every moment of thanks. I like this approach because its not really a demand to do it every day but moreso when I want which works for me + I love the idea of opening at the end of year and just recalling all these great moments.
  2. Send a letter
    Ok sounds retro BUT I have literally done this. There are loved ones friends + family that mean the world to me and I simply want them to know it. There is something very warming to sit down and write a loved one a letter letting them know they are appreciated. Ive actually done this via email as well to my younger brother. Not for nothing, I didnt go into the letter with the idea that I would get a response or acknowledgement. I simply sat down and wrote how I felt about the person and what they meant to my life. What boosted that act of writing a letter was the responses back which I couldnt have ever imagined. Now I have not only written showing gratitude to my loved ones but I also have letters or emails in return that I will cherish forever.
  3. Speak it
    Friends I am guilty of being that mom that loves a good toast or saying kind words before dinner. If your house is anything like mine sometimes family dinners are few far and inbetween but Sundays, we sit + have dinner like civilized people. On Sundays we go around the table and say the things we are grateful for and how we will thrive in the upcoming week! Its a moment to literally look each other in the eyes and say thanks or I am grateful.
  4. Change the wording
    Ok so this one has been hard for me! Putting a spin on every day wording can make a world of difference. Typical me ” Ugh I have to go to the store again” but the spin on that can be ” I get to go to the store + get what I need”. Putting a spin on words can change an entire mindset from something that is dreaded to something that is an actual opportunity.
  5. Unplug In today’s society unplugging is the new 4 letter word, but truth be told being so attached to the social world can actually undo all the work of practicing gratitude if you are not careful. I try to set up time frames in which I unplug so I can be just in the moment, with myself or whomever may be around. The whole being in the moment can actually be super refreshing.

Practicing gratitude should become easier and easier as you go along because the idea is eventually it will happen like 2nd nature, remember that whole muscle memory thing that we have all heard from one place or another? So the more you are able to focus on the good and those things that really help us get out of bed in the morning the less those not so great moments will affect us. Dont get me wrong the not so good days will still come and some days it will win, but like anything else we keep getting up and showing up till the next very good day!

I am guilty of making plans and cancelling them. Yes I am that person. All plans sound good at the time of making them, then the day comes + life happens. I have to feel deep down inside that I am not the only one out there like that right?

At any rate, a month ago I stumbled upon this EventBrite for this free CBD yoga session and thought hmm seems very interesting. The over zealous past me thought it would be a great idea to attend this yoga session after completing a weekend of yoga teacher training. If I could go back to past me, I would punch me right in the face!

Fast forward to the day of the event, in true fashion after a weekend of teacher training, I am beyond tired. My body, bones, mind hell even my damn skin ached and hurt all over. The very last thing I wanted to do or give my time to was another hour of yoga. Its funny because earlier during that same day I had the opportunity of going through a Sunday Service flow where we talked about our choices creating certain experiences. Basically each choice we make, good, bad or indifferent essentially shapes the types of experiences we have. I could chose to be mad that I got stuck in traffic and miss the experience of a good time with family and friends once I got to my destination. The list goes on and on in the choices we make, but the real beauty is the experiences in our lives are really are within our power based on those various choices.

I decided to power through and attend; mainly because I had registered to go and the last thing I would want to do to an up-incoming entrepreneur is bail on them. I truly wanted to support and make connections with those who also had a love for yoga.

This particular flow class was held in a CBD shop and incorporated CBD within the flow. So although I have had CBD in the form of gummies as well as in honey sticks for anxiety when traveling I have never “smoked” CBD or hemp. When I walked in I was greeted with so much love and acceptance. Now mind you that’s the “norm” environment for strictly yoga places HOWEVER this was completely different. The energy was so very tranquil and welcoming it felt like a hug almost as I walked in.

Not knowing what to expect I came into the class with 0 expectation, figured it would be a typical flow with some added CBD to the mix. What shocked me and I am ashamed to even say this but the class was full of people of color! Never in my life have I ever been in a yoga or a Pilates class full of people like me! I am a Classpass member (for like the last 5 years) so I have been to all kinds of studios in various parts of Charlotte and its surrounding boroughs/towns. Never once have I been in a class where I felt represent. I’m not gonna lie, when I go to classes I notice if I am the only one or if there only 1 other person. I notice how the class goers look at me, some in shock, some in unity, some like I don’t belong and some I’m sure don’t pay me any attention. All of these things bring me anxiety until I am able to refocus get on my mat and do my own thing.

Sitting there I couldn’t help but think, wow there are like 15 of us in here and we are really here for ourselves. We all got up, made a commitment to come to yoga for ourselves and here we were. The instructor obtained information from each of us in a personal but quick way that I’m sure made each person feel heard and acknowledged. We were educated on the uses and benefits of CBD + how it worked. After the brief yet informational portion of the class was completed 6 or 7 CBD pre rolls were lit and started circulating the room. I know what you are thinking, how the hell can you flow with a pre roll lol. The answer to that question is simple we didn’t. The pre rolls were more so during the meditative portion of the class where we really were given opportunity to ground ourselves and prepare for flow.

The flow itself was very restorative + slow, but by no means does that mean it was an easy flow because it can be just as challenging to hold a pose as it is to go quickly through 100 poses. I am so very happy that I chose to have this experience, not only was it tranquil but it was very eye opening to inclusion + representation.

It makes me sad that as diverse as our society is there isn’t much representation. In fact for the most part at alot of studios representation of everyone isn’t exactly the focal point when it should be. There is no telling how many people of different races, creeds, ethnicity, genders, age, ect miss out on things because they don’t feel represented or included. I would hate to even consider how many people avoid the studio for that simple fact. Truth be told if my love and need to be in a studio wasn’t as great as it is I could easily see myself not attending a class based on the looks I get at certain studios. I would have never fathom or thought there could be a full studio out there with people who look like me had I not stumbled on it. It was refreshing, it was calming and it gave a since of community.

Representation is important. There is no way around it. There are not specific “workouts” for one type of person, or one type of “body”. I believe we truly live in a day and age where anyone from anywhere can become anything and its about time that seeps out into all areas. Wake up studios, be the place for “EVERYBODY” like you claim.

Ever make this bombass plan, maybe an evening at home, girls trip, vacation, dinner ect, whatever; everything is planned down to the “T” and some random sh*t happens to blow it up. Yea, me too.

It is very easy to allow the frustrations of things not going the way you planned or envisioned get to you. Its also extremely easy to allow setbacks to fluster you or even give you a reason to throw in the towel and give up. But what if you were literally 1 day, 4 weeks, 6 months away from having a completely different outlook?

This week has drug my ass since Monday morning and it doesnt look like its gonna stop draggin me until next Monday lol. In all of this draggation (like what I did there lol) none of it, not a single drop of it was within my control. Do you have any idea how helpless that made me feel? I just knew it was a sign for the Divine Universe (or whoever is upstairs) telling me that I needed to abort mission, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Its almost laughable how quickly and how easy self doubt talk seeps right in. Its like that Ex boyfriend that has that 6th sense you are happy so he comes around on some F*ckboy Sh*t messing everything up again.

I will never lie to you, I was feeling pretty defeated on Monday. I questioned every single dream board and goal workbook that I have been adding things to over the last 2 years and was really about to walk away from it all. Over something that HAD NOTHING to do with me and was NOT within my control. How crazy is that? Oh trust me, I know how crazy it is.

The brain is a muscle just like any other muscle in the body and must be trained. We have to self correct the negative self talk when it rears its ugly head. Any time I start to feel myself sink into the negative self talk or the ole whoa is me routine I take a few steps to recenter and reground myself.

1.BREATH: Ok, sounds redundant but guess what? There are alot of people walking around here breathing shallow as f*ck, with their hearts racing. When in the last time you really sat and focused on taking a nice big deep breath in, pausing for a second and letting that ish go?

2. DANCE/MUSIC: Corny I know, but I love some music and nothing can change my mood better than some good music I can dance or sing my heart out to. Right now my go 2 is two extremes: The Greatest Showman album or Cuz I love You by Lizzo. Either one of those albums can turn my day completely around. Find the music that speaks to you and dance that sh*t out!

3. MEDITATE: This one can actually combo with #1 in the breath department. It doesn’t have to be a great deal of time, 5 min of your day of silence and re-centering can make the world of difference.

In life there will be bumps in the road and things no matter how much you plan will not go as you planned. You know what, thats ok. What matters the most is that we are kind to ourselves and we continue to bet on ourselves as we stand tall and push forward. The easiest thing to do is to be defeated and allow ourselves to be the one to beat us down. In the the words of Arya Stark “Not Today”.

Why is it so hard to get rid of things? I am completely guilty of keeping things and lately it’s been pretty frustrating. By no means are we talking hoarder level but the other day I found a T-shirt from when I was in high school sports medicine. I have no earthly idea as to why I still have it but I do. I fell in love with this Netflix series Tidying Up and began evaluating everything in my life on the “Does it Spark Joy” concept.

I don’t know about you but when Im in a rut, cleansing my environment really helps my creativity flow. I started externally with giving clothes to Good Will, cleaning out toys, old books whatever didn’t “Spark Joy”. What really embarrassed me the most about this is how many things I had been holding on to over the years. It was gross the number of black leggings I owned, or how many random T-shirt I had. Things with tags on them, things I bought but never used! And honey, we won’t even start on hair products I have accumulated! Getting rid of these things were hard at first, only because it was exhausting, overwhelming and never ending. Plus the fact I kept fighting with myself that I had wasted money on this or that, but the more I pushed to get it done the easier it started to be and with each bag I felt lighter and lighter. 

It oddly became addictive, the freedom I felt getting rid of things gave me a new feeling of confidence to the point I decided to move on to my relationships and family. I had to really consider if those relationships brought me joy as simply as that can be said ( I know it sounds harsh). With an open heart I had to be honest and consider if continuing those relationships helped or hurt me. Sometimes we keep relationships that we don’t need forever just like that T-shirt, somehow your still holding on to it and you don’t know why. This step was extremely hard because in most of those relationships I had never even considered myself and how I felt— I know that sounds nutz.  In all truthfulness I had collected friends that were only my friend when they needed something, or wanted something of me.  The relationship had gone in that cycle for so long that it felt more like an obligation than anything else

By now, you know I love a good saying right? “People treat you how you allow to be treated” , basically the long and short of that is people learn what you will and will not put up with and go from there.  So all these years for 1 friendship I allowed it to be 1 sided, it wasnt truly the other persons fault that they only reached out to me in bad times because I really hadnt spoken up for myself in a way that they would see that it bothered me.  Same with family, I had this one cousin that I adored but over time the only time that cousin reached out was if they needed money or something.  Me not sticking up for myself or setting expectations basically left me in 2 relationships that were hurting me internally and no longer served me.

Now I didnt do anything crazy like sending a memo to say “Hey we arent friends/family anymore”, but I did start to take steps in what I allowed to curve how I was being treated previously.  In both of my examples, the friend and the cousin I was honest with each of them. I told them exactly how I felt about the relationship and for 1. they were completely unaware (which I was too until I started evaluating) and we are working on ways to be better friends to one another and for the other it wasnt perceived as well and you know what? Thats ok because I was honest to them and myself and at the end of the day the relationship that is most important to me is the one that I have with myself. 

Adulting is hard. Cleaning your closet, car, social circles and acquaintances are all HARD but oh so necessary in leading the best life that you can lead. Im all about shaving off the excess and the things that dont serve me.  If it doesnt bring you happiness, love or joy why on earth do any of us need it?

Remember when we were kids? I vaguely remember that sweet sweet time in my life when I had no worries and no responsibilities. The one memory that is pretty constant is I did not appreciate the joys of childhood as much as I really should have lol. Guess thats why they say hindsight is 20/20 right?

The best thing about childhood was the ole Routine. Basically a kids life is about the same each and every day. They get up, various things happen *breakfast, getting dressed, getting to school* , once at school typical school politics, lunch, carpool/bus, homework, dinner, bed. For the most part M-F during the school year looked about the same and during the summer or school breaks there were variations, yet each day was pretty much the same.

As my 1st “adult” decision after being dropped off at college, I decided I was done with routines. My life was finally my own! I was gonna get up when I wanted, go to bed when I felt like it eat whatever the hell I wanted. It was my world baby and that’s all that mattered! Looking back on that time I realized I spent much of it flying by the seat of my pants with little to no direction. The funny thing about life is 16+ long years later I have learned the beauty of a good ole “routine“. In fact routines are now my bread + butter. By the grace of a good “routine” I am a functioning adult, running a business,household and basically keeping my sh*t together one day at a time.

Studies show that it takes 21 days to form a habit, so basically each and every one of us are only 21 days from a habit that could very well be the turning point in our lives to be our very best selves.

Steps to Creating a Routine:

  1. Be honest with yourself: Lean in friends because this one was the most hard for me. You have to be honest with where you need to change and take true inventory of yourself and of any current unhealthy habits. Without knowing where you need change there is no way to actually make changes that will help you get where you are trying to be.
  2. Start Small and Build: A very small percentage of people are able to just drop a bad habit cold turkey and be truly successful in changing that behavior. Setting yourself up for success may mean taking 1 habit on at a time. Once upon a time I had a very unhealthy relationship with FRIES. It was terrible. I was literally eating fries 4-5xs a week. I set a goal to only have fries 2xs a week when I started, then reduced that to 1x a week. Now I have fries whenever I feel like it, but the difference is my habit was changed so now I only have fries 2-3x a month.
  3. Set Yourself Up: This one should be easy, do the work that sets you up to be successful. If you know you have an early day, go to bed at a decent time. Know that you get hungry and less focused around 2p, pack yourself a snack. Know that you need to put gas in your car before you even get home (guilty of this, I always say Ill just leave earlier in the morning to get gas and I never do), get the gas so its 1 less thing to worry about. Remember that self inventory we did? Good because that means you are pretty familiar with what needs tweaking and you probably even know the steps you can take to make better habits.
  4. Stop Making Excuses: Habits and routines both good and bad take time to develop. If it takes a little longer to swap a bad habit for a good one, dont make an excuse and give up. Keep trying, keeping in mind that your bad habit is more than likely several years in the making so undoing that would take some time. If you have a set back, dont make an excuse just do better next time. If you decide to stay out all night knowing you have a flight in the morning, own it and do better. Eat a tub of ice cream, dont make excuses and continue to eat badly over 1 mishap. Stop. Making. Excuses.
  5. Make time: A routine is a series of habits that basically happen on auto-pilot. We all have good and bad habits that add and take away from our daily routine. Structure your day in a way that minimizes and eliminate the bad habits while amplifying the good ones. Create time for the things that help you be your very best self. Make time for morning routines, meditation, breakfast, tea/coffee or whatever helps ground you and prepare you for your day. Structure the middle of your day to ensure that you are your most productive self. Meal prepping, grocery shopping, laundry, essential tools for the day are all gathered and readily available. Make time to structure your evening or nights where you are able to unwind and prepare for the next day. Night time routines, meditations, reading, glass of wine, bed at a decent time; whatever helps you settle in for the night.

In just 21 days a habit can form, a string of habits emerge as a routine and a routine evolves into the blueprint that is you. Take some time and do that self inventory to see if there is something that needs a little tweaking. Dont just talk about what needs to change, take action and work at making those changes. A routine can be daunting, heck it can be down right boring. But you know whats not boring? Setting yourself up for success and living your very best life.

If you are like me, you are a grownup who’s father/parent has always taken care of certain things for you all your life. Car buying was one of them. In my life only one other time had I went out and purchased my own car. That was about 5 years ago, after countless issues with my used purchased car from a family member that left me on the side of the road yet again I was completely over it. I went down to the Ford dealership with nothing but a prayer and hope and walked out 3.5 interest, no money down, brand new Ford Fiesta with only 7 miles on it!! You couldnt tell me nothing! Fast forward present date, this car now has several recalls including door hatches that just stop working. Yep! I was driving in my neighborhood when the latch to the door my daughter was sitting next to gave way, releasing the door open WHILE I WAS DRIVING!!

You already know, I was over it once again and found myself looking for a new car. Now the catch is I was just about done with my current car payments and I thought a trade in was the way to go. This is where things get sticky. To my horror I learned I was pretty much upside down in my car. I later learned there are so many people who are in this same stupid situation. Lucky for my Big Little Bro came through with some CLUTCH advise that actually worked. So lean in close my friends time for me to drop these tips!

  1. Know the Figures: Its important and tedious to know all you can in regards to your trade in. Log into your account that you financed your car through and see what the payoff amount will be. Alot of times this number will remain the same for 5-10 days. Next go onto Kelly Blue Book and check your cars value. Its important that you are honest with yourself and your cars condition because although the dealership you trade with may not notice or take off for dings/issues here and there its important that you have a realistic idea of your cars worth. Compare the estimate from the site with your payoff amount that you gathered above. If the value of the car is less than what you currently still owe you are considered to be “Upside Down” in your car, meaning you owe more than its worth.

For me this wasnt too bad, hurt my ego more than anything. I was devastated to find out that I was “Upside Down” roughly $1200, which although it isnt alot basically this meant I needed to consider that this $1200 amount would be thrown on top of the cost of the new car + I needed to talk them down from whatever the sticker price was.

2. Come Up With A Number: Now that you have the Figures from above you now have to think about how much you want to spend and for how long.

Knowing what I knew about the $1200 additional cost I would be bringing to the table + the fact I KNEW I wasnt trying to go over my current car note or be killed with interest, yet another #truthmoment. Just for example sake, in a perfect world the dealership would give me the full worth of my car + come down on their original ask + we all walk away happy 🙂

3. Research Cars: The moment we have all been waiting for! Time to get online and take a look at whats out there. There are TONS of cars/trucks/suv’s ect + if you are anything like me too many choices sends my anxiety threw the roof. Its important to go into a dealership already with an idea of what you want because its the sales persons job to get you out of there in a car and they can glamorize a shinny new snail if they needed to. Dont go in open to anything unless you got it like that lol but even then just as any other purchase this day and age there is too much technology not to be a informed consumer.

Remember we were on Kelly BlueBook right? Now that you have your list of cars you wouldn’t mind hitting your city in long term its time to back to that website to compare the cars. There is a great feature that allows you to compare up to 4 vehicles at a time. Plug in your cars and go through a process of elimination based on whats most important to you. In my list I started with 10 cars and by the time I gotten through all the comparing I was down to just 4.

Overall cost was the most important factor to me, followed by size, recalls and overall reviews. Once I had my 4 narrowed down I was able to search Kelly BlueBook to see what cars were within 100 miles of me that fit my needs. When searching for used cars its always a great idea to add “certified” to your search criteria. Certified used cars go through this additional level of inspection to ensure everything is up to standard. One owners, non smokers + none rental were all criteria I added because again, anxiety and I needed that list to come down. Plus if Im spending the money shouldnt I get exactly what I want verse settling for something I dont exactly want? For each of the cars I liked I was able to locate one that was relatively local to me and see their current pricing which I included on my spreadsheet notes. Because this would be my 1st time “haggling” I decided to go into it with the thoughts they would laugh at my attempts to get the price reduced and what the sticker said is what I had to work with. Another thing to consider are the number of miles a car has. Typically a person drives between 10k-12k miles per year so you want to keep that in mind as well as too, if your potential car has high mileage for future use and trade-in ability. For example a 2016 should roughly have 40K miles, 2017 should have 30K, 2018 should have 20k and so forth. If the mileage is way over those numbers then that contributes to decreasing the cars overall value.

4. Seek Out Financing: Something that I never considered is finding financing BEFORE you go to the dealership. Now it is true alot of dealerships will give you a rebate of some sort if you use their financing but dont be fooled. Thats typically $450 which isnt really a whole lot in the grand scheme of things. With alot of banks there is a loan called a “Check Ready Loan”, for the most part these types of loans have better interest rates than what a dealership will give you. The information requested from the banks can vary, from my research they all ask the amount you need, year, make, model you think the car will be, trade in value + number of months you want to pay back. From here they can give you an estimate of your monthly cost all from the comfort of your own home!

What I LOVED most about this is I had full control over how much I wanted to go in debt lol. Its almost like working of the cash system, you know start with $20 on Sunday to last the week and once its gone its gone. Me selecting exactly how much I needed basically capped me out at what I could get which actually played in my favor later. Now mind you, you can ask for the maximum if you want and spend less than what they give, I just didnt want that extra pressure of “oh, with just a few thousand more I can get a newer model” business.

Once you are approve by your bank basically they give you a “blank” check up to the amount you are approved for/asked for. That check is as good as cash, you can literally walk into any dealership and walk out with a car with that thing. Now this next part is the trickiest of tricks. This is the time to pull out your Poker face, Resting B**ch face, Dont F**k with me face. All of the next tips are at the dealership with people who could sell water to a fish, this is not a drill people. Do not go until you are ready to play some motherf*ckin’ ball.

Couple of things to keep in mind about dealerships:

  1. They have Demo/lender cars that they will sale for way less than the cars on lot.
  2. The Sticker Price can ALWAYS be negotiated
  3. When giving offers say OTD (out the door) most all dealership have additional fees they tack on like registration transfer, extra warranty ect. Your offer OTD means this is what Im paying including EVERYTHING. This is my ass heading out the door at this price.

My Experience

With all my research before hand, I basically was set up for success when I drove onto the lot. I already knew the car I wanted from Kelly BlueBook, I knew the cost, what I would offer, my blank check and how much my car was worth. Walked in with complete confidence and asked to test drive. Because I researched if I didn’t like this car during the test drive I had others in mind that I would try. My sticker price was a little less than $17000, so after the test drive I offered $16k OTD including my trade in. The look on the sales man’s face was priceless because he didnt expect me to go that route and he was fully prepared to woo me at a$17k + some since trade-in.

So the dance began, and the haggle process started. The counter to my $16k, was $20500 including trade in, which was a hit to my confidence immediately. I didnt fold though, I countered with $17500 including my trade-in looking the sales man straight in the face I stated either you can do this or not. IF not I would be happy to leave and re-evaluate my options. Another thing about dealerships is they dont want sure money walking out the door. Remember the sticker price is them trying to get the very most of the car they have for sale. They come into the ring swinging high so dont be afraid to swing lower to your comfort zone. What also helped is I knew by looking on Kelly that same car was over priced by at least $2k. At what felt like hours we came to an agreement and they accepted my counter offer including my trade-in and I was still under my blank check amount! I officially talked them down almost $3K plus had them take my old car that was worth a can of beans.